Do women like quiet men or do they prefer a more extroverted life of the party type?
In today’s world, we are constantly bombarded with noise. From the TV, to our cell phones, or even just over-the-top personalities– it seems like there is always some type of noise around us.
Everyone seems to have something outrageous about them, the things they say, or how they dress, but what about the chill dudes?
And what about when it comes to dating? Are women drawn to loud, outgoing men or do they prefer someone who is a little more quiet and introverted?
If you’re looking for love and are self-conscious because you are a ‘quiet guy’, you might be going about this all wrong. Being quiet and stoic are actually traits that help draw more women in.
Do Women Like Quiet Men?
While preference for a partner depends on the individual person, there are a good amount of women who don’t mind, or even prefer, quiet men. Some of the reasons why women like quiet men include:
The Confidence of Quiet Men
One of the things that women find attractive in men is confidence. And while you might not think of a quiet man as being particularly confident, oftentimes, that is exactly the case. A man who is not afraid to speak his mind, even if he is quieter than others, exudes confidence. He also doesn’t constantly need to be talking to get attention and is just confident being in the background without the fear of being overlooked.
The Intelligence of Quiet Men
Additionally, a quiet man is often more observant than a loud one. He takes in his surroundings and processes information before speaking. This can be seen as a sign of intelligence and high IQ, both of which are attractive qualities in a partner. Plus if you’re quiet, you have less of a chance of sticking your foot in your mouth and saying something dumb.
The Sensitivity of Quiet Men
Another reason why women might be attracted to quiet men is because they are often more sensitive than their louder counterparts. They are in tune with their own emotions and are more observant of the emotions of those around them. This can be seen as an attractive trait because it shows that they are compassionate and understand what others are going through.
The Mysteriousness of Quiet Men
Quiet men are often seen as being more mysterious because they aren’t always putting themselves out there. This can be attractive to many people, especially women who may be more used to the in-your-face, aggressive types. If you’re not constantly oversharing information, it can make people want to know more about you. Of course, this isn’t to say that you should be shy or antisocial – just that there’s something to be said for being a little bit enigmatic.
Women on Social Media
When asking women on social media sites like Reddit, Twitter, TikTok, and Quora, it seems there’s a large amount of women that do like quiet men, although it’s pretty much agreed that it really depends on personal preference.
Many women feel a shy guy compliments their own extroverted personality better. While others find them more cute or mysterious. There are women though who find quiet guys boring or unassertive.
Here are some responses:
-‘Since I’m very outgoing, I’m actually attracted to shy guys because I like drawing them out. For me it would be a plus.’
-‘I think there is nothing cuter than a guy that’s a bit shy. Not too shy though. make sure there is a little bit of eye contact and smiling, then approach and be yourself. Shy guys are always so freakin’ cute, and once they get more comfortable they usually have much better conversation than less shy guys, from my perspective.’
-‘The problem is (usually) not their personality but mostly due to them not actively seeking out connections and struggling to date. There is a stigma that guys need to ask the girl out and while (few) girls do actually do this, if you are a shy dude with little confidence then you’ll probably not get many dates unless you’re hot.’
-‘There isn’t anything wrong with quiet men, it’s just that some women prefer outgoing men. It has more to do with personal preferences.’
-‘Absolutely. I gravitate towards more soft spoken or reserved guys (NOT necessarily “shy” ones though- you can be reserved but not shy.) Only problem is actually meeting someone if you don’t go out much!’
-‘I like quiet guys because they are mysterious and etc. I love trying to figure them out..I like funny talkative guys but they kinda bug me bc those are the ones that are usually flirtatious with lots of other girls and that makes me feel kinda like hard to trust them.’
-‘I intentionally avoid guys who are really loud, life of the party types when it comes to dating. I can be friends with them, but they simply aren’t attractive to me, even if they are more nice than they are douchey. They just aren’t my type..’
Related: How Long Should I Wait to Text Her Back?
Tips For Great Conversation
While there’s nothing wrong with being quiet and it can even be a plus, you do have to be able to talk enough to find yourself in a relationship.
Most women enjoy conversations with quiet men because when they do open up, it usually makes for a deeper, more sincere conversation, since quiet men aren’t typically just babbling about anything all day.
If you find it difficult to start and keep a conversation going with women, here are some tips.
–Be Confident: Confidence is key when it comes to starting a conversation with anyone, especially with a woman. Don’t be afraid that she might not want to talk to you. She probably won’t. But the more you feel confident, the more women you’ll approach until you find the one that does want to talk to you.
–Ask Open-Ended Questions: Ask questions that allow her to elaborate on her answers, rather than just giving a yes or no response. This shows that you are genuinely interested in getting to know her. It also gives you more time to think what to say next.
–Flattery Goes A Long Way: Compliment her on something like her hair, her outfit, or the recent promotion she got at work. Flattery puts everyone at ease. Sometimes being the more quiet and serious type comes off as being disinterested so you may have to be a bit more vocal to let a girl know you’re interested.
–Talk About Your Interests: While you don’t want to take up all of the conversation, when you do talk about yourself, talk about your interests with excitement and passion. Even if she does not share the same interests, a guy that has hobbies is seen as attractive. Someone who just likes to ‘chill’ or ‘do whatever’ is seen as boring and not an exciting date.
–Show Genuine Interest: Show interest in her passions, hobbies, and experiences. This will help you to connect with her on a deeper level and keep the conversation flowing. Ask her to teach you how to do something she’s interested in. That would be an easy first date activity that won’t put pressure on you to plan a whole date.
–Keep the Conversation Light: Avoid heavy topics like politics, religion, LGBT, abortion, etc… unless you know for sure that she is comfortable discussing them. If the conversation does get tense- relax. You don’t need to argue your point and change someone’s point of view, especially when you’re just getting to know someone. Be receptive of who she is and her point of views, it’ll help you learn more about who she is and if she’s right for you.
–Use Humor: Humor is a great way to lighten the mood and make her feel comfortable. You may not be the only one that’s nervous. Plus, laughing and smiling automatically puts people in a good mood. Just make sure that your jokes are tasteful and not offensive.
–Be Observant: Pay attention to her body language and the tone of her voice. This will give you clues about how she is feeling and whether or not she is interested in the conversation. If she is looking at you with her body facing completely towards you, that’s a great start. If she’s looking around or at her phone, and has her body turned away like she’s in a rush– probably not interested.
–Avoid Bragging: Bragging about your accomplishments or possessions can be a turn-off. There is a way to talk about who you are, what kind of work you do, and your accomplishments in a way that doesn’t come off arrogant. Instead of discussing how much money you make, talk more about why you enjoy your career. Wait until you take her out on a date to show off your fancy car instead of constantly bringing it up and showing her pictures on your IG.
–Be Respectful: Treat her with respect and kindness. This will make her feel valued and appreciated. Some men like to use pickup artist tactics like ‘negging’, where you act more indifferent almost to the point of being rude to women. While some women with low self-esteem may be drawn in, most quality women would rather you not play any games and just be honest and kind.
–Be Yourself: Finally, be yourself! Don’t try to be someone you’re not in order to impress her. Just be genuine and authentic, and let the conversation flow naturally. If she is not interested in who you are as a person, you should not change the core of your being. Most women are able to sniff out in-authenticity. It’s time to just find someone else who will think you’re the bee’s knees, just the way you are.
Wrap Up
If you’ve been holding yourself back from pursuing the woman of your dreams because you think you’re too quiet or reserved, it’s time to reassess. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you have to be the life of the party to attract a partner.
Being quiet and stoic can be incredibly attractive to the right person. Many women appreciate a man who is not constantly performing, but instead is confident and comfortable in his own skin. The key is to embrace your introverted tendencies and be confident in who you are. It’s okay to be a man of few words, as long as you’re able to communicate effectively and authentically.
Remember, being quiet doesn’t mean you’re shy or timid. Confidence comes from within, and once you’re comfortable with yourself, others will be drawn to you.
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